Have you ever been reminded of an event or an issue in your life that demands healing, but you've been reluctant to address it? I know I have, more times than I can count. I thought I might share a handful of obstacles that I've experienced in one's reluctance to either attend or consider therapy. As an aside, I want to make it clear that we don't get to decide whether our friend, family member, or spouse attends therapy; this is an intimately personal decision. These are merely a collection of obstacles that one should consider if they are (thus far) resistant to the idea of therapy.
"I can't afford it"
I know, I went straight for the jugular right off the bat. This isn't some money-grabbing ploy to shame people into attending counseling; however, I have heard this reason given more often than not as to why someone is unwilling to attend therapy. I think if we're being honest, therapy is a significant investment of our time and money - and I speak as someone who spends my own time and money seeing my personal therapist. As someone who has previously worked in a low-cost counseling center, I think that there are some second and third order effects when the client does not have to make a significant investment in the therapy journey.
I believe that the financial investment into therapy is therapeutic itself. For example, enforcing a late cancellation policy not only protects me as a business owner for my time and income; it also provides consequences to those who may otherwise revert to avoidance and cancel on therapy at the last minute. A client who knowingly sacrifices their hard earned money toward therapy becomes invested in the therapy journey.
I acknowledge that there are financial hardships and not every person reading this blog can afford the full market rate for counseling. Don't let this discourage you from receiving quality care; there are a plethora of organizations with income-driven payment plans or sliding scales to account for this. At the end of the day we must ask ourselves, "how much is my mental health worth?" or "Can I afford not to?"
2. "No one will be able to understand what I've been through"
Developing a personal connection with the therapist - the therapeutic relationship - is a very personal decision that requires an immense amount of trust and vulnerability. Finding a therapist who makes you feel understood is worth the price of admission. I acknowledge that I am not the right "fit" for every client; there are a number of gifted therapists who can meet others' needs in ways that I cannot, and vice versa. The bottom line is that if our fear of therapy remains rooted in distrust of others, we will live a life of isolation that is void of vulnerability. Perhaps consider the threat of counseling as an opportunity to experience validation and empathy for perhaps the first time in your life.
3. "I don't need therapy"
If you could have a birds-eye view in my daily life, you might hear a joke including these words courtesy of the band Citizen Soldier (by the way, a clinical therapist) whose lyrics state that "I don't need therapy." The lyrics actually paint a beautiful picture of what is actually needed from our relationships, including the therapeutic one. Seriously, you should check it out - here
Perhaps you believe that someone else in your life is the one who really needs therapy. While there may be a great degree of truth in that statement, the decision to attend therapy is immensely personal. Instead of trying to convince someone else that they need therapy, perhaps take the approach of modeling for them what the healing journey actually looks like.
4. Insert Here
I know that this only scratches the surface, and the list of obstacles could go on for awhile. I think that a lot of my clients have a distorted view of what therapy actually looks like, whether that something they've read or seen on TV. Therapy, at least in my office, does not look like a psychoanalytic session by an emotionless robot of a human. We can laugh, get angry, cry, and share hope - together.
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